I live yesterday and tomorrow

drunkenness is a state of mind

2009-11-19T04:27:00.002+08:00

I cannot more aptly describe how I am feeling now.
Drunkennes is a state of mind.

I always say this when I want to tell people that I am not really drunk. but the truth is, what I am trying to say really is that I want to let myself get drunk. thankfully under most circumstances, my excuse or reason would be for fun and laughter and joy, not like tonight. I kind of like this feeling that I have now. Better still if I have the right company, but I'll just have to settle with this compromise.

I have this overwhelming urge to get drunk. To let my emotions engulf me and let my body feel the blood running through my veins and my heart beating. like as if a bottomless blackhole, my heart seems to be sucking me into a abyss, into a void which cannot be filled. My mind is blank and I feel no emotion and I lay here, sinking deeper and deeper into it. feeling more and more peaceful.

Humans.
what a pain.

I was you

2009-10-29T04:24:00.004+08:00

As you can see.. I really am in the mood for blogging.

This post is dedicated to my dear friends who, although I never said it, are important to me.

I had to write this post. I just had to. Not just because u refused to answer any of my phone calls, but mainly cos ur words really hit a chord.

Its never about who's right or who's wrong. If only love was so rational.

Love is understanding and love is compromise.
Love is unreasonable and love is blind.

Some more than others define love to be more like the former than the latter, or vice versa. However, can two people be on the same point on this spectrum? I doubt so. Even if there were , it really would be godsend that they would be together.

I can't really stand on either side of the argument cos, I have been very understanding but also very unreasonable. Everyone has their own set of ideals but very often what can bring two different ideals together, is love. When one is unreasonable, the other can understand. This is what love can do, isn't it? yes! you can be unreasonable to her, her and her! you should!, and only to her. Why? Cos you wouldn't be to anyone else right? you would only be to the person you love, cos love can just make one so blind.

okie. Before I start getting curse and sweared at, of course I dun mean its okie to be unreasonable too. Not always at least. Thats not called love. That's called taking advantage! but I am pretty certain that's not the case.

so.. i mean a weakness for one could be a compromise for the other. Let not a weakness stemmed out of love be the tool of destruction of something that brought urselves so much happiness. Look beyond the weaknesses and appreciate the understanding, and I am sure what you would find would be the love that you each hold so deeply on to.

To love is to trust.

on a side note,
"the only person who will never give up on u is, u"
NO. the only person who will never give up on u is, your family and people who truly love u. Never doubt someone whom u know loves u. They always have ur best interest at heart okie!

I hope this helps my dear friends.
love,
pz

wonderful things happens during christmas

2009-10-29T02:04:00.004+08:00

haiz. I'm bored.
All of a sudden, I face the screen and I just dun feel like playing any games or watching any videos. Sometimes I really don't know what goes on in my head. When I should be supposedly busy, I can't wait to spend all my time doing useless shits and end up neglecting what I should be doing. When I have nothing on my agenda, I sit around and wonder how I can spend my time more meaningfully. This should be the epitome of what one would be called a idealistic escape artist. Hell. I don't even know how I came about with the this term. It just came to mind and seemed so apt. ha

... and so I started logging on to msn again. wanting to connect with friends and not feel so much a part of the virtual world. Actually, secretly I had another agenda for logging on, but come to think of it, harlow... fat hope la! haha. oh well.

okie. back to msn.
my poor friend's still in office at 1am in the morning and she said : "xmas is on the way". That of course was a reply to my message "when's christmas coming?", and for that, I would have to go all the way back to that night where I suddenly had that overwhelming urge to watch "Love actually". Blah blah blah... I shan't not talk about the whole movie here but I shall just quote this:

"Whenever I get gloomy with the state of the world, I think about the arrivals gate at Heathrow Airport. General opinion's starting to make out that we live in a world of hatred and greed, but I don't see that. It seems to me that love is everywhere. Often, it's not particularly dignified or newsworthy, but it's always there - fathers and sons, mothers and daughters, husbands and wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, old friends. When the planes hit the Twin Towers, as far as I know, none of the phone calls from the people on board were messages of hate or revenge - they were all messages of love. If you look for it, I've got a sneaking suspicion... love actually is all around."

and because the whole theme of the story revolves around christmas, doesn't it just make christmas so appealing? okie okie. It not just all because of the movie. To start with, christmas IS actually really my favourite day on the calendar. It has been and always will be!

and so the conversation went...
I can't help but feel disheartened with all the pessimism and negativity coming from my dear friend. Isn't christmas the day where wonderful things happen? Isn't it the time to make up for all the lost time and lack of effort throughout the whole year? Isn't it the best time to show that u love the people that u love around u? Not just lovers or friends, but family too!? Isn't it the perfect time to feel that love is all around? It isn't about how old we are, is it? As a matter of fact, I think the older we are, the more we start to cherish, isn't it?

haha. I am definetely an idealist? but I like living in my fairytale story! I like to imagine how beautiful my world can become! I want to believe!
stupid, naive or just plainly really an escape artist? For my dear friend, that's me. You?

I'm starting to feel that I don't know what I am trying to say here. But anyways, I hope something wonderful happens during christmas this year and I would be able to read this post again then feeling comforted.

and...
I want to go to the airport! (though I think I might be disappointed)

I googled myself and here I am

2009-10-27T18:18:00.002+08:00

why am i here again?
haha.. its almost always the same reason isn't it.

but first
Happy Birthday to my sister!
Sunset Bay, my teammates, horrible food, a bottle of red and the seaside!

that's settled.
so.
here I am again trying to sort out my thoughts.

I am a love at first sight person. it cannot be just a good first impression, a mild liking, or "oh, thats an eye candy!". it has to be love at first sight! or is it really? that's my first question.
I mean, of course there's no doubt about love at first sight; the intense whirpool of emotions which turns ur world upside down instantly, but what if it doesnt start out like that? can I like someone whom I didn't "love" at first sight?

I am no angel, but who doesn't like thrills? It runs in the family man. ha. The only difference is I am definetely more responsible. hmm. okie. that isn't the point anyways.

I think the point is that I dont like to be at the other end of the bait if I am not madly in love with someone. It just doesnt give me enough reason to be there. but on the other hand, there isn't totally no reason too.

sigh. I'm tired.
i think i am just imagining things.
lets hope i dun be rash

The "Apple Incident"

2009-04-16T00:09:00.004+08:00

I hate apples. Especially the really red and small ones.

I remember I once bought a bag of really red apples.
It was, 5 small apples in a small red plastic bag and an unconvincing excuse. An unconvincing excuse, which nevertheless played its part and which should have had me indulging the whole day, if not for that untimely call.

If I was not mistaken, there was a moment of guilt, the guilt of betraying and the guilt of intruding. The mutual awkwardness and understanding of the situation stood there for a moment until it suddenly dawned upon me the need to react. I acted nonchalant and it become just a normal phonecall which for no particular reason, just took too long to be answered.
I didn't remember anything else after that, cos that ended my day.

This "Apple incident" sudden came to my mind when i was watching "Coffee Prince". Actually, at first I only remember giving away that bag of apples and why i did it. Then the whole incident came to my mind, very vividly.
Should I say, I should have known?
or, I am glad I had some decency in me, unlike some.

Not to a stranger. Let alone, a friend.

p.s. apples? sorry, I never bought anymore.

the late night jogs

2009-04-06T03:48:00.004+08:00

new 40 mins record. yes.
I don't think i have ever lasted for that long before, although i did make a few stops in between.
It was just 3 stops lah, and 2 was to adjust my laces cos the blisters were really starting to hurt.

so anyways
As i was preparing to go out for my run and during my run, i kept thinking to myself.
"wat is running through my head while i am running?"
and every time i thought about this question, i couldnt come to a conclusion and my mind just wondered off somewhere.
So wats the shit about people saying they go out for jogs to think about things? either their stamina is really good, or i am just mentality too weak. cos i came to a conclusion finally that i must be too tired to concentrate on anything else other than psycho-ing myself that I CANNOT STOP!
wat led me to think about such a stupid question to start with. ... ...

this is going to sound a little bit arrogant and prideful...

[edited]
welcome back my much missed status, and together, my new found vigor.

this season is going to feel different. on top of eveything that u used to teach me, i will also remember, your passion.

Can't help it

2009-04-01T01:33:00.002+08:00

I can't help it that i only think of blogging only when i am feeling down.
I can't help it that i am feeling down.
and I can't help it that even the slightest knowing, the slightest reminder, puts me down for weeks.

I dreamt that I could still be packing ur bags with you. Bringing over that jacket that I like so very much, buying u that new ankle guard, packing in a bunch of med and hoping you really have everything that u might need. Better still if i could be packed into ur bag.
I dreamt that i will send you off again, just so i could wait for ur return to welcome you back.
I can see that beam on ur face, that pride and the love for the game, and you will shine, like you always have in my eyes. My star.

but

All i can do, is say, Welcome back. Here.
I'm sure my shoes are much better filled, no matter how much i hate to admit.

There's no pain, just the feeling that everything is draining out of my body and into the heart. Like a black hole which has too much burden.
and i am feeling it much too often recently.

p.s. ...

感触

2008-12-30T03:15:00.001+08:00

one of those night where you feel.. something..
something that you just cant put a finger to describe...
very peaceful but yet somehow the heart feels very heavy.. aching but not painful.
and somehow, you kind of wan to savor this feeling.
oh..

bittersweet.

一直没承认，一直不在乎，可是最终还是要承认，还是难免眷恋。

有时等她擦身而过后，你才发觉她就是那个你最想找的避风港。那个很温暖的手和太温柔的声音。让你感觉最安全的避风港。

可是。。。

而她竟然很象我。

你也很象她。

Happy Birthday Sis!

2008-10-26T04:02:00.002+08:00

Just back from a gruelling 8 hrs wine drinking session filled with bbq, fun, eye candies and my dearest dearest sister. I am surprised that i am still pretty sober and my sister is dead drunk, considering how much better a drinker she is than me.
Free BBQ at winebos, lots and lots of wine, pretty girl sitting beside my table (damn, too bad she has a girlfriend. ha), delicious birthday brownie fresh from the oven courtersy from winebos (what nice people!!) and a nostalgic feeling.
Horrible wine from the Thai pub, deafening music, a bunch a bitchy sluty ugly girls who cant sing, BUT super eye candy whom everyone was gushing over ( okie. of course i wasn't, but i got to admit he is pretty good looking) and whom carried my sister to the stage and back and sang her a birthday song!!!!(how fucking cool is that lah!) and a drunk sister and a nostalgic decadent feeling.

I think my sister's birthday rocks, and even more so later when she gets her LV Tivoli bag which i had a part in choosing(not paying of course. ha).

Happy Birthday Kristine Lim

chinchin

Goodbye my lover

2008-10-05T01:40:00.003+08:00

so finally, new school, new semester coming up, and i'm looking forward to get my life back together. The league has ended and the weekly friday and weekend rituals will be missed but it might not necessarily be all bad with no more inconsiderate people and unwelcomed tension.
The only thing is i'm getting fat again and all those beers ain't helping at all! I'm promising myself that i got to sign up for a trek at the end of the year.

...
after watching so many stupid fairy tale dramas and dreaming of having 一场轰轰烈烈的爱情, i did have it afterall. 即使并没有天长地久而且还挫折不断, but i wouldn't have wanted it otherwise. Admist all those dramas, i had many times asked myself if i still love and althought everytime i didnt really answer myself, but i knew. I didn't have to answer myself cos i knew. Like i knew it was love at first sight and nothing else can be compared. the only thing i didnt know was how to go on. so scared of the differences and so unsure. i never doubted that love conquers all and i had hoped for it so, but i hate to admit it, we are just all not brave enough to believe. God makes a fool of all of us.

At the end of the day, i just couldnt conjure up enough thats why i left it the way it was. somehow the fear of uncertainty and insecurity, was just more than that fear of losing by just that bit. cos it almost seemed like i saw the end of the road.

Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.
So I took what's mine by eternal right.
Took your soul out into the night.
It may be over but it won't stop there,
I am here for you if you'd only care.
You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.
I've kissed your lips and held your hand.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I've been addicted to you.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

I am a dreamer and when i wake,
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.
And as you move on, remember me,
Remember us and all we used to be
I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.
I've watched you sleeping for a while.
I'd be the father of your child.
I'd spend a lifetime with you.
I know your fears and you know mine.
We've had our doubts but now we're fine,
And I love you, I swear that's true.
I cannot live without you.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

And I still hold your hand in mine.
In mine when I'm asleep.
And I will bare my soul in time,
When I'm kneeling at your feet.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

Maybe you too.

ps. i miss you

unsettled

2008-10-02T11:21:00.002+08:00

I tossed and turned in bed and couldn't sleep for the longest time last night. I dunnoe when i finally fell asleep, but i guess it was after i had the wind stop blowing in my face. I hate it to have the wind blowing at me when i'm sleeping and i almost forgot no one knows it now.

God played a joke with me on sunday. He wanted to make me fall harder, so i could pick myself up sooner and better. but he forgot that i was always few steps behind everyone, even now. it only hit me now.
Either i never notice or i didnt choose to, but there are always a few moments everyday that i give to you. yesterday i thought about u when marco was driving and i was asking him about changing gears. yesterday i thought about u when i was reading the ending of "Trainman". yesterday i thought about u when i was watching Mars. yesterday i thought about you when the fan was blowing at me. yesterday i might have thought about u a few more times.
these thoughts at times are fleeting but at times they stay for a while longer.

some people say that the most lasting memories are those of hatred and pain, because they can heal, but the scar will never go away. i only remember 0.1% of the bad memories and 99.9% of the happy memories. The scars can never go away, but at long as u have something even deeper and more lasting then scars, the scars dun matter afterall. I had it all along. you had only the scars and held on to it tightly all along. never willing to let go.

p.s i miss you

Here is who i am

2008-09-27T17:32:00.003+08:00

I haven been blogging for a long long time. I've been wanting to do so. Just got other things to keep in occupied. Which is not necessarily bad actually.

Last week was spent with my obsession of gay movies. After the inspiration from my dearest coach Jamie, who was totally sort of bragging about all the gay movies she has watched. Then i started to feel fat and it got me onto a running regime, which got me back to finding comfort in music. U know wat they say. Music soothes your soul. and running with my mp3 player gave me that extra mile and that long awaited compliment from Jamie finally. I hoped my benched days are over, but of course there is only one match left.
However, there's always a good side and bad side to everything. Music does calm and soothe ur soul for that while, but inevitably, it also reminds you of the sweetest but saddest memories. Leading you inevitably too, to those few drop of tears when you are alone in the dark in the middle of the night.

And this week was a breather finally, with some work bugging me down. ironically. but the world of an escapse artist doesn't last forever, as we all know and things finally catch up with u. Inevitably again. When u stop ur foot steps and realise there's nothing for u to be distracted with, it all comes back . and thats when that bottle of alcohol comes in even during mid day, and u act totally out of fashion. or shall i rather say actually ur true released-self.

i'm feeling a bit happy, brave and actually a little bit bitchy, which i dunnoe why. But might as well, before the alcohol wears of and i got to meet my friends 3 hrs later in my normal suit.

all those talk about an ultimatum and trying to get rid of u from my sight. I actually got to confess that i might not have wanted it that way. of course it irks me to see that scene again and again. but only you, i saw that smile that i haven seen for a long time. the glaring bright smile that i know that you are happy. that u are having fun. the fitting clothes that u are confident that u know u look good in. the look of seriousness u have when u throw that ball out or when u catch it and i know u love wat u do best at. and the fun-loving person that i catch a glimpse of that reminds me of chub and by and u telling me so sincerely that u even love fooling around with me like that.
and you. i missed you so.
the soft sincere look u have u ur eyes. those eyes that only saw one person. and even those angry and disappointed eyes u have sometimes that makes me feel why couldnt i be a different person and be guilty like shit that i wan to make it up to you.

I missed you and i wished this could have been a letter instead. in my true unescaping undenying-self. and i just wanted to call and find out how u are.
but i'm too afraid to lose. although deep down i know i have actually already lost in the midst of. but i am just unwilling to tell myself that.

alcohol doesnt keep u insane forever. we all know that already.
it couldnt even last me till the end of this post.

10 things i hate about you

2008-09-02T03:03:00.003+08:00

I hate the way you talk to me
And the way you style your hair
I hate the way you call for me
I hate it when you flare

I hate your big scary house
And the way you don't read my mind
I hate you so much that it makes me sick
It even makes me ryhme

I hate the way you're always right
I hate it when you deny
I hate it when you make me laugh
Even worse when you make me cry

I hate the way you're not around
And the fact that you didn't call
But mostly I hate the way I don't hate you
Not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all.

and i hate to look at my bookshelf. I hate to pack and find new things.
I hate those instant noodles and the box of old swiss miss.
I even hate to wash my clothes sometimes and to see my sister's new computer.
I hate those lanterns hanging in my balcony. I hate the smell of my perfume.
I hate to watch movies and i hate to look out of my window.
i hate every minute that i hate.

我的倔强，我的自尊
我已来不及的道歉
我的遗憾

such nonchalance, where it almost seems like deliberate. .

2008-08-29T11:13:00.004+08:00

I woke up just now and thought it would be a great day.
- I'm almost well after 5 torturous days.
- Its 10.30 am and that's relatively early! I actually have almost a whole day ahead!
- I'm in the mood to wash my clothes and pack finally.
- There's training today! (this would just be a bonus if the turnout is right)

Then the inevitable snapped me back to reality.

why do i have to have a shouting match with my mum at least once a day?
seriously, this shit has got to stop. i think i got to have anger management or some form of therapy really. I do love my mum a lot.

In the midst of our quarrel, my throat tightened and my eyes threatened to tear. She's is still rambling on and i turned away in a most nonchalant manner and walked away.
Ever so often, i wished i could ran into her arms and cry.
I just couldn't.

they said i looked fine.

nobody knew me.
not even you.

that's not what friends are for

2008-08-21T01:15:00.004+08:00

you keep adding fuel to the fire. like u are afraid the fire isn't burning red enough.

when there are too many people, there is bound to be politics and alliances. A friend once asked me. " if there are 2 alliances at ur work place and both are trying to rope u in, how would u choose?". I said, "stay neutral lah, save all the hassle". she said:"stupid!, of course u go with the stronger alliance!". ha. i'm bad at politics she insist.

but once u join, u will be sucked into it. u depend on it and u can't survive without it.
however, rebel and know the consequences.
lol. sounds like the singapore government.

and so i decided to drop the whole notion.
but partly also because maybe i never really meant to do it.

道不同,不相为谋 .
disappointed.

Inevitable

2008-08-08T05:28:00.003+08:00

day 3

You wake up at 4 o'clock, rush to work and for the next 6 hrs at least, u should be preoccupied. When u get home at 11 o'clock, u eat and have the regular drinking and smoking session, which should then keep u preoccupied for another few hrs. ta-da, u will have managed a good day.
....... If only. then the phrase, "watever can happen, will happen" won't exist.

I know why i keep quarreling with my mum and be so adamant to keep that box there . Cos always never exist. I can't always get it again.
ha. i'm not silly after all.
for now, it will just be there cos no one dares touch it.

why is it only friday tmr.

Twitch

2008-08-06T20:19:00.002+08:00

day 2

twitching.

is wat lies beneath the look of calmness and nonchalance.

god. the last time i blogged was more than 1 year ago. wat a perfect example of my quarter-life crisis..... okie. maybe i am being a litte bit too exaggerating here. but how better to put it....

pay is coming in 2 hrs time. i should treat myself to a Asahi. or maybe 2.

Curiosity kills the cat

2008-08-05T18:50:00.002+08:00

The insatiable desire to be curious is just human nature really. U know what lies beneath. U know it is taboo. U know it kills. and yet u stick ur nosy head in and get ur brains blown to pieces.
At the end of the day. U can't blame anyone but URSELF. ur bloody itchy fingers and that devil in ur head.

A devilish idea.
has been brewing for sometime already. It just needs a little more fire to it. a little more catalyst than the curious devil. then its 破釜沉舟.

at the end of the day. u can't blame anyone but urself.

2007-03-01T04:17:00.000+08:00

i faulted again. never again.
i have not done to try. cos i have not i have put everything else aside.
this i will remind myself, everytime i doubt.

from the first book i have bought in many years:

You must know that I do not love and that I love you,
because everything alive has its two sides;
a word is one wing of the silence,
fire has its cold half.

I love you in order to begin to love you,
to start infinity again
and never to stop loving you:
that's why I do not love you yet.

I love you, and I do not love you, as if I held
keys in my hands: to a future of joy -
a wretched , muddled fate -

My love has two lives, in order to love you:
thats why I love you when I do not love you,
and also why I love you when I do.

2007-02-22T04:02:00.000+08:00

I hope i am not too late.
I hope my place is still there.
I hope someone hasnt sat in it yet.

I love myself but you too.
To me, to love is to possess. not selfishly but cos being together is wat love is about.

and for love i hold on.

Merry christmas and a happy new year

2007-01-02T03:17:00.000+08:00

I wish I could say that..
but its just too scary.
The thought of it makes me wan to sleep

if it refers to me..
i did.
did u?

2006-12-29T19:41:00.000+08:00

heard it many times. seen it many times.
but i run when it comes. everytime.
its not something one can get use to or accept.

but i finally succumbed.
and so it finally hits
and now there's no running away.

i had a sudden urge to run to my mummy
but ..

now i really have nobody

My part for society..

2006-09-18T18:28:00.000+08:00

From dearest biNNy's blog.
hee

Light a Million Candles

In need of some support.

light your candle now.

2006-09-09T03:41:00.000+08:00

I just spent 2 hr plus clearing my mails and I realise I have only managed to reduce 6 pages of junk to 5 pages. Just kill me

I miss my friends..
all those that i dun remember too...

Great expectations

2006-04-24T10:25:00.000+08:00

Sometimes blogging is a breeze, sometimes its a chore and at times its seems so much harder than the assignments that i rack and pull my brain out over... and the scale starts with from being negative to being positive..

I realise, all i do is complain. complain complain complain... on this blog i mean..
Never seem to be any positivity in here or my life. All i do is discredit the pple around me and forget their credits.

My mummy is actually great dispite her extreme character. She puts up with all my shits and is still supporting me dispite all my bad track record. She worries about my health and makes sure i eat properly if i am at home no matter how busy she is (I guess i shouldnt be expecting restuarant standards from her rite..). she will always try to accompany me out if i ask, but i never ever wan to accompany her out. she tries to remember wat i buy home from the supermarket and buys them the next time. she buys me computer eye drops though she doesnt like me to be in the room facing the computer the whole day. my mummy actually loves me.

Miss dustbiN (this should the the most commom nickname.. haha) puts up with all my shits too. she always wans to send me home. she sent me an umbrella when its was raining and i din have one. she spends all her time with me and missed out so many times with her friends. she always waits for me or comes after my work. she gives me her jacket when its cold and she's cold herself. she lets me eat her char-siu although i think she likes it herself too. I always make her wait for me. she wants to go shopping with me although she hates its herself. miss dustbiN loves me too.

all too often i forget all these and hurt the pple around me.
time that i start remembering..

work-blog sessions

2006-04-08T21:27:00.000+08:00

I'm feeling bloody bored at the clinic.
I have gotten out of my neopets/suduko addiction for a week already cos playing has become depressing. I think its because they are synonymous with happiness. Those bright and happy colors on the neopets website puts me off.
there's nobody to message me or call me either.
till i get pass the whole depression thing. i think i'll just blog during work.

i was craving for macs just now.
should i, should i not.
my diet plan has totally gone down the drain anyway.
i keep eating and eating and eating. i think this is the aftermath effect.
sad breakup makes me fat. i was still thinking that this will be a perfect chance to carry out my diet plan. it only worked for half a week.
breakup -> sad
fat -> sad
smoke -> also sad
they just come together. sigh.

i'm going to buy macs and wallow in self pity at home and eat till i drop.
i'm getting withdrawal symptoms of u.

No one's coming to "pick" me up after work.

dream on

2006-04-08T11:49:00.000+08:00

I dreamt a little dream last night.
How i wish i could sleep forever.
But finally i had to wake up and no matter how much i refused to, i had to wake up.

i edited my post before u could see it.

2006-04-05T12:26:00.000+08:00

I dun think i was like one of them. Them whose name i shall not name. Seemingly, they deserved those disapproving criticism. seemingly i dun. or so i think.

alomost there.

poor kitty

2006-04-05T01:23:00.000+08:00

my heart went out to the four kittens i saw on my way home.
They were in a small brown box with no food and water!! sigh. if only i could bring them home. i'm sure they miss their mother or owner. poor abandoned kittens.

kitty misses her owner too.

small small me

2006-04-04T14:04:00.000+08:00

My sister is so funny.
I thought she was especially thoughtful yesterday asking me when i was coming home and if it was dangerous for me walk home.
When i came into the room, i saw her lying on the bed, staring at the ceiling and hugging "dang ou".

I was like :wasup man
She said :there's nothing to do so i have been hugging "dang ou" for the past half an hr.

pengz.

anyway.
sigh.

i went to chomps yesterday and pple keep cutting my queue when i went to order food. Not just one, but there can be 2 persons cutting my queue. sigh. i feel so insignificant and small. cos i just let them do it.

y do i have this feeling of worthlessness. sigh.

nobody complains about losing weight

2006-04-02T12:49:00.000+08:00

nobody complains about losing weight. so i guess there's a plus side afterall. no more suppers, no more pancakes, no more bacon and hams, no more oily french fries and no more coffees. just horrible food which my mums cook and i try to eat as little of that as possible. and i will have a happier mum at home knowing that i will be around to eat her food 24/7.

I have been shamelessly going after wat i wan for the past few days(or months) and i have been too afraid to tell anyone. I am a closet emo nemo and i cover it up so very well. as a matter of fact. I think i cover everything up pretty well. I think its the pride thing cos, many ppleactually saw and think of me to be stronger then i really am. even my dearest sis. I think i must have really watched too much taiwan dramas(another closet fan of it.. opps)to think that those fairy tales love stories actaully happens in reality and will happen to me. but of course, reality proves itself.

I thought of it last night. I comtemplated whether i should fight for wat i wan, course after all, most of the females leads in the taiwan dramas never seems to fall down. Haa. but then, i know it myself how long my conviction can last, as more then often, it never gets pass a week or two.

for now. i need to get my work done and lets no get my heart in the way.

standstill

2006-04-01T14:02:00.000+08:00

I woke up in the morning and tried to get out of bed.
But no matter how hard i tried i couldn't.
I cried. my tears dried. and i cried again.
i fell asleep. woke up. and fell asleep again.
my life is at a standstill.
yours must be fine.
I must not fail for u again. but can i?

are u happy now? that i am blogging? u wan to read my life from my blog. here it is. i guess u have always wanted to read it then hear it from me.

anguish

2006-03-30T11:45:00.000+08:00

Of all days. My sister comes back now.
fighting back those tears is already hard enough. putting on that smile is killing me. listening to those music.
I rather be dead.

the feeling of being inadequate

wrong time, wrong place

2005-11-05T01:48:00.000+08:00

finally got myself out of the hse today... and of course the only person who has such powers is my sister.. haha

did a whole load of shopping but sadly its always my sister with the bags and not me. i came home empty handed and i am still thinking of the "very seth" style mango top but with sleves too short and the IS jacket which is too short too. sigh.. mango's fall season clothes/color is just so me. i'm going back to a bigger one next week.

i crave for brownies whenever i am with my sister.

how can i live without my sister. I love her soooo much!! oh did i mention that we started drinking at 5 (my sister at 4) at marche? i came into broad daylight with a face red like a cooked lobster.

anyway.. and so peiwen called. its so bloody interesting always to talk about the past and to end up laughing and rolling on the floor. all she could still say is wrong time, wrong place and still i will maintain that girls always have the "right" to to lie about wat we are thinking, if not, we are not girls. haha. too bad she din understand this back then.

PIG

2005-11-03T23:44:00.000+08:00

I have nothing to do.
so i am going to lie down and try to sleep.
I cant believe myself.

Happy? Hari Raya

2005-11-03T22:35:00.000+08:00

sigh. wasted day again today. i had refused to get out of bed till like 3pm and after that i just sat myself in front of the computer doing i wonder wat.

i am still not in a very good since from yesterday thats y all i wan to do is sleep cos then, my mind can rest.

i just wrote a new post too.

2005-11-03T03:16:00.000+08:00

my dream lover..
is a photographer, a painter, a music critic, a sportsman, a rich kid and has unique in fashion. In all, an artist.
haha and one such person actually exists. she's actually bout 18 or 19, studies/or used to study in sajc and i stumble into her blog accidentally.
There. thats my inspiration to photography and very soon painting. :)

how dumb.. hahaha.
dun ask me for her blog add... cos i am selfish..
hahahaha

reflex pretty soon...

2005-11-02T17:02:00.000+08:00

I just fell asleep with my lights and lappie on and i woke up shivering from the cold... just nice that the remote control of out of battery and so after switching off the lights and lappie, i continued sleeping and shivering cos i was too lazy to walk another 20 steps to my mums room to get her remote control...
I realise become the dumbest when i am half asleep.

I wanted to blog last night before i fell asleep.

Attendance was really bad for the last 2 trainings cos of exmas i think... but i am kind of glad in a way cos we were all seperated from our normal lines and i happened to not like the line i am in very much. anyway nowadays i seemed to be looking forward to after training dinners then training itself.. of one.. shiyi's juniors are really entertaining.. haha
I realised i am actually really quite the kind who would get jealous quite easily, which is not good. disrupts rational thinking and i would probably do something that i would regret later.. sigh.. all the losers of floorball.

I am not in a good mood now.. it's going to rain and thus its making me feel worse.. sigh.. how i wish pearlyn chow is back already.. at least there's someone to listen.
such a tempting idea to go out to get some rain.. i think it would feel gd..

2005-10-27T01:46:00.000+08:00

the weekend was a blast, but I spent 3 days sleeping and recovering from it.
probably the only spoiler was floorball training, which I shant elaborate much cos there's just too much to say. I really wonder y i still made my way down on monday despite not sleeping for a whole night, being in the worst of moods and most importantly that they made my blood boil on sunday.

It was just the usual pple at my sis's birthday celebration. The 4 girls and their boyfriends, an extra me and some other that came and went. I always said that my sister din have enough friends, but actually 3 gd friends are better then a whole lot of acquaintancies. and I actually really envy her. as always I had to entertain the "guest", which of cos means getting myself all sweaty and smelly in front of the bbq pit. but as the youngest i always felt much more taken care of and appreciated even though. suddenly i miss those days back then when i was really look upon as young and kind of fussed about by all...
overall, as always, it was damn fun but it felt more like a illegal gathering more like.. haha.. i shant elaborate on the illegal things that we did..

wanted to upload the pixs, but damn, my lappy is at repair and i dunnoe where the hell my sis puts the cable for the com. now i really appreciate the card slot in my lappy.

i need help. i have "lost" my phone for 2 days a i haven bothered to get it back at all. i seem to hate the world outside the comfort of my room or rather the pple. y do i seem to be getting more and more anti social. since from dunnoe when, friends seem to have become more like a hassel then comfort. y...

no love, no friendship

2005-10-21T02:38:00.000+08:00

gosh. i am so hungry.
i have only eaten noodles for breakfast, coffee for dinner/lunch and 7-11 mash potato for supper.
that was for 19 hrs.

zzz...
clothes quick finish washing...

3 minute hot degree

2005-10-21T01:34:00.000+08:00

my mum is actually quite cute.. she was too excited to have dinner with us.
although not really a all perfect day, but i hope she was happy.
i din wish her happy birthday. it was just too weird.

both my mum and me bought new pairs of shoes....
and they are of the same design!!!
mine is in beige and hers in white. i think my sister would have bought it too if she were a shoe person. looks like we have the same shoe taste.

hmm.. so that adds up to 700 bucks in 2 days. boy, am i good at spending money or wat.
wish i was as gd at making money too.

i am having a MAJOR "3 minute hot degree" for photography. not that i wasnt all along interested in it, but just suddenly so much more after stumbling upon some photography fanatic's blog. the idea wasnt for myself in the beggining... but i might just end up buying myself a manual. someone get me interested in something or someone else quick.

such a busy weekend thats to come. and there's training. i'm looking forward.. to just stand and stare.

i am a "3 minute hot degree person".. i am sure

2005-10-19T01:52:00.000+08:00

I officially hate sengkang. I swear I spent at least 45 minutes going from blk 305 to blk 310 and that was by doing the most ridiculous thing of taking a cab(its my sister).
but too bad my gran ma has to stay there.

finally finally finally my specs are getting done in a week's time. Interestingly, it was at compasspoint that I found something passable. [note passable] i have to settle with something finally, and it cost me 250 for the frame alone. at least i got my lens cheap at only 320. yes, that is considered cheap cos it would have easily cost me another 150 getting it done elsewhere. I could have bought my bike with this amount of money.
now i knoe y they say i have to take care of my eyes...

and with that, my mum's birthday is tmr.
my sis's birthday is next wednesaday.
oh, my dad's birthday was on saturday, but its none of my business cos neither is mine to him...
and mine is next month.
i can visualize seeing $0.00 in my account by the end of november..

ahem..i dun mind getting cash for my birthday....

y isnt the tuition agency calling me back for an assignment...

2005-10-18T13:34:00.000+08:00

Today I'm into one of those weird mood swings again. I just woke up from a very weird dream which I was refusing to wake up from. Unlikely event with a unlikely person, but i kind of like the idea..
Sometimes i wonder where our dreams come from. I somehow think it comes from our subconcious mind.

another week of training past but not like always, i am not looking forward to next week's training. I dun think this is what i am looking for. not this kind of attitude. not this kind of spirit.

maybe its the songs that start my day that sets my mood for the day. Its a bittersweet day today.

2005-10-11T17:16:00.000+08:00

my whole body is aching right from my neck all the way down to my feet. and so i have been eating those muscle relaxants like nobody's buisness.. arent i gald that i work at a clinic..

Fatigue comes from over exertion and underexertion too.. i'm both over exerted and under exerted.. no wonder i seem to feel twice the fatigue of everyone else.. haha

they call me zorro!

2005-10-10T10:34:00.000+08:00

my paper sucked man.. who's the idiot who told me that its mostly mcq.. and there were so many questions that arent found in the lectures or notes... other then these, I was rushing through my paper to finish early cos i din wan to be late for the game... haha.. now there goes my distinction and i probably deserved it .. oh did i mention the most ridiculous thing? I din bring my pencil case too. I realised it when i was walking to the bus stop but i was too lazy to go home to take it...

I was so tired throughout the weekend that i din touch the computer at all.. I was out by 8 and only came back at 11 on both days.. and all i could do was to head straight for the bed, nothing else.. this kind of weekends cant do man.. its bloody draining me out.. and on top of that i dun get to eat too cos i am just rushing from place to place. sigh.. wat happen to sunday, my favourite day..

oh, randomly.. i saw Le Yao at my clinic yesterday... yes, she's an actress.. i din knoe that too till my doc told me..

I dun like to do PT already.. i am so bloody unfit now.. and i had the WORST 2.4 timing EVER recorded in my WHOLE life yesterday. 16.05 mins.. wat happened to my 12mins days.. :(((( the worst thing is i cant skip PT and i have to watch me survive me torturing myself.. wtf man

my exams are over, but i'm flipping through my notes now. WHY...

2005-10-08T02:03:00.000+08:00

I spent less then 2 hrs studying and i headed out to town till 10 plus. so much for trying to finish my readings before going out... and i had to go shopping after dinner, instead of heading home to study. The amazing thing was that i wasnt really feeling guilty but feeling happy with all my buys. It felt like exams were over.. who can deserve to fail more then me, i wonder.

i just finished the readings.. break time before i continue rough revision of all the chapters..

i saw my whitley band senior when i was at starbucks just now. din think he recognised me although i was just standing beside him(so much of seeing each other 10 hrs every week for 3 yrs ey...). its seems that he hasnt changed a bit with still the same hair style, dressing, specs(!!!???) and voice... haha.. but wats the point here?? the point is, he's the senior that i kind of had a tiny crush on way way back then.. haha.. probably was just a few months thing, dun really remember.. but, omg, how come i ever even liked him!!??? other then the fact that he's kind of a "gangster" prefect in the best class(u knoe how girls feel about bad boys..), tall and bowls very well... haha... oh, but did i mention he is married(shotgun) with a kid who is probably bout 4-5 yrs old..

haha... talking crap here..
back to my notes...

2005-10-07T11:42:00.000+08:00

i was checking my transaction history and i have to admit that i am becoming a total aunty. my transactions other then atm withdrawals are mostly from NTUC, ECON minimart and 7-11.
well.. at least now my house has food..

my exam is tmr, but i aint a least bit excited cos i expect that i will be stoning with myself at home cos when i am free, everybody else seems to be busy.

and talking about my exam, i still have a stack of readings not finished :(
i am going to study for the next 4 hrs to hopefully finish all those readings and i am heading to town.. hee

2005-10-05T03:03:00.000+08:00

I am feeling super good now cos i just ran 10 rounds around the field. considering how bad my stamina is, wat an achievement man.. haha

I studied only one and a half chapters today.. :(
but i am so dying to go watch a movie. haven stepped into a cinema for such a bloody long time..

how can i not love u so pearlyn chow when u always agree with wat i say and knoe me so well... haha. pls come back before my birthday k

4 days to freedom and bankruptcy

2005-10-04T14:00:00.000+08:00

my whole body is aching from 3 continuous days of floorball.. sigh and cos of that I haven been studying for the past 3 days too.. make-up exam is on Saturday, which means I have just 4 more days to finish.. how can man.. I going to get my ass down to the lib to study for this...

shopping alone was actually quite fun.. went on a shopping spree alone yesterday before training (which i was super late for.. haha) and I spent like 200 plus in an hr... Had to hide most of my shopping bags in my bag before I dared to go up.. haha.. cos my excuse for being late was that I had work....
I think I am in quite a shopping mood nowadays.. I almost bought 2 shoes of the exact same design, which one was for indoor soccer and one was for field soccer.. thank god my sis was with me to stop my crazy impulse... I need to stop going shopping or I'll really be damn broke soon.. :( oh and not forgetting I still have my bicycle to buy which I think would be a 1000 bucks... I need to find another job man...

And my lappie is still down... :(((

2005-09-30T09:55:00.000+08:00

Been clearing my sleep debts these few days thanks to the flu virus. I just hate it when I fall sick so frequently. It was just last month that I was sick for 2 weeks and now here I am sick again. And to make things worse, I am sick and hungry cos I am especially picky bout food when I am sick. I haven eaten last night’s dinner and probably not today’s lunch too, cos my mum is not going to remember that I am sick and she’s going to cook something yucky or too heavy for me to eat. sigh.. and my whole body is aching from all the sleeping too. Seriously, I need to buy a new mattress. This one is just too soft for any comfort.

Today’s my exam and I’m going to get an mc to skip the paper..
How convenient that I am sick cos I haven finish studying for it anyway.. =p

My dearest lappie is dead. :( god, pls let me revive it for just one day so that I can get my stuff out..

ME, my own inspiration

2005-09-23T17:10:00.000+08:00

New blog template!!

The joy of the appreciation of my work gave me a moment of warmness, despite helplessly being caught in the rain, when I saw my rovers logo design printed on the rovers t-shirt. It wasn't my proudest work nor was I glad that they actually replaced the old logo with it, but still there was a moment of satisfaction. But with the passing moment, my joy slowly turned to disapproval as I thought of how the previous logo had presented us for so many years. However much had I disliked that logo too, that to me represents Rovers. After all i seriously think it's actually rather unique and distinctive compared to mine, which to me seems so cliché and un-innovative. (and now I am criticizing myself..) Haha, or maybe i just dun like the fact that such inferior work of mine is in public eyes. such a sucker. haa
Anyways, that's not the point.
Looking through the rovers webbies I have done, I realized my blog skin is so way over due for changing!!! The old one is so getting me turn off! Hee, so heres a brand new look to my not so new and always forgotten blog!! Hopefully I will love it for more then just 3 minutes... haa

2005-09-20T06:37:00.000+08:00

yawnz.. so sleepy.. i din sleep the whole night and i am supposed to be trekking in 5hrs time.
i hope i dun go missing my steps and tumbling down the mountain.. haha

.....

2005-09-19T03:48:00.000+08:00

someone bought like 25 packets of noodles ( and not forgetting many other canned food too) for eight pple!!??
my gosh, the 26th comm pple are really damn kiasu lah, or are they really such big eaters? they probably think they are going to have to feed the whole camp of pple or something like that!?? this is like the funniest thing i have ever heard man. so reminds me of when i first started. haha, but smart me always left these buying chores to the others.. tuesday.. tuesday.. tuesday!!

anyways, such a disappointment when i came home from work today. The field was EMPTY!!!! yes, and i thought i got the date wrong.Today is the mooncake festival and the field in front of my hse is empty. Wat happen to mooncake festival!!!! Did the kids all grow up or did everyone just forgot about it. I was so looking forward to seeing all the pretty lights at the field, like always, year after year since i was young. sigh, but the field was quiet and empty just like it would be on a lonely sad day....

as always, the only redeeming factor for my sunday was work, which was pretty enjoyable dispite it being with Richard for half the day. haha. but so much for bringing my notes there to study lah. Instead of study wat i am supposed to study, i was happily there studying a medical handbook!!?? haiz. always doing the wrong things at the wrong time and just never doing wat i am supposed to do.

i feel like a bottle cap.. and i'm like those that keeps getting recycle over and over to become another bottle cap again. :(((

2005-09-17T23:56:00.000+08:00

everyday, i tell myself that i wan to update my blog. In the end i only do it in my dreams.

Assignment handed in (wat a surprising grade. :):) ), practical over ( i totally fucked it up, was so bloody nervous) and now i am just wating for myself to fail my paper on the 30th. I haven touched my notes at all and i am going trekking and cycling next week. How studious of me.

Maybe its cos i have almost forgotten how gd it feels to trek and how fun rovers was. I'm feeling super excited to go to Lumbong on tuesady!!! perfect combi of bbq and beer and my rovers mates, i can almost imagine how fun it would be, just that hopefully i really wont be sleeping without a tent in the open. i'm such a sucker when it comes to cold. haha. and hopefully i will be able to set up a mini bonfire!! how cool is that rite, sitting beside the fire drinking and talking the whole night away..

sigh, but before that i had better have decided wat bicycle i wan to buy.
Leanard, the friendly bike shop guy (which is quite good looking...) was saying that i should go into the media and advertising line cos i am so picky about details and color combinations. haha, do i take that as a compliment or wat? but i am really getting pretty fed up about my own choosiness too. nothing seems to be able to satisfy me at all! and i have been scouring through all the bike webbies and forums for almost a week already. at this rate, i will so not be surprised that i will still be at this after 2 months, just like wat is happening to my future pair of specs.
Mr nice guy had better find me one i like...

Why are people who design bikes so boring and why do they like to only spray it in one color. $%%^&*($#

should i take the afternoon tomorrow off? eric is only working in the morning and i dun feel like being stuck with richard for half the day. haha. and i am pretty inspired to go play floorball tmr!

do u remember?

2005-09-12T14:20:00.000+08:00

sigh. i still haven got a single day of gd rest since i finished my paper. I was like so dying to get some sleep a few days ago and now that i can finally sleep with no worries, my insomia is back. wtf man.
the grass cutters are irrtating the hell out of me. not only did their noise wake me up, its getting louder and louder.

Work yesterday was mostly good, as usual, other then that i cut my hand twice (like wtf). I'm so glad that i work with eric most of the time. Compared to the other doc, he is like so much better, more compassionate and more fun to work with. haha, and of course not forgetting my free dinners and car rides home.
thank god he sends me home, i'm like getting pretty freak out about that body parts murder case. I dont even dare to walk home or walk to quiet place nowadays. freaky.

sigh.
I lost the last round on saturday.
I'm bloody regretting it now.

2005-09-11T19:00:00.000+08:00

My week long battle with my paper has finally ended. My anti-social status has now been offically changed to "call me out when u are free" status.
I feel kind of guilty neglecting all my friends who were the support of my life then. I had a sudden urge to call all of them out when i was clearing my handphone's inbox yesterday, cos reading back, they were so sweet to have thought of me occasionally but i was just an ass who is always so lazy to meet up. My life would have sucked without them (actually come to think of it, there is only 2 of them). BUt miss-no-life, me, have to work through the weekends and on monday. sigh. In case this sudden urge dissappears again, haha, friends, pls forgive me.

i have to go to work

2005-08-24T05:44:00.000+08:00

cant sleep, cant sleep, cant sleep.
my mind just wont turn off. it just keeps "wondering" around and "night dreaming".
I have a stash of like 3 kinds of sleeping pills, but i dun dare to take them cos i'm afraid that i wont be able to wake up later. sigh. my biological clock is so fucked up already and it probably thinks its "afternoon" now. well then, i definitely wont be late later i guess.

I am in such an anti-social mood nowadays that sometimes i wish i could just stay a hermit at home forever. Apart from the only 2 pple which i am talking to now, my sis and "miss report to me everyday", i probably am dead to the rest. I really need to find some friends soon man, or pretty soon pz would just be a lifeless soul.

sigh

2005-08-11T16:42:00.000+08:00

countdown to national day fireworks @ 2359hr on monday with bin and jo. Amazing display of fireworks, but if only we weren't blocked by the trees and i din have to squat so dangerously near the edge of the river. By next year that day, hopefully i would have already gotten a viewcam instead of relying on my pathetic IXUS that can only record bloody lousy and limited videos.

Headed down to Lash after with the surprising guest appearance by my sister!!
With a celebration as big as national day, it definitely called for some hard core mind blowing drinks!! A flaming lamborghini for bin and a Waterfall for myself, both supposedly drinks which would knock one down with one shot! but disappointingly, bin wasn't drunk at all. I was the only one getting high, making a fool of myself and talking about my crazy dreams of meeting energy, xiao zhu and hei ren and escaping from execution. haha

Flaming Lamborghini!!

Ketel One and blue curacao martini, pouring in one shot of flaming Sambuca at your table.

couldn't find a pix of Waterfall, but this Flaming Lamborghini!! definitely looks potent!!

We should have more then one national days in a year. Gives us more excuses to party to have fun ey. haha

vids of fireworks coming up!!

2005-08-11T15:26:00.000+08:00

the horde of pple at the riverside watching the fireworks

fireworks 1, shaky hands

firework 2, even shakier hands

fireworks 3, blast!!

fireworks 4, the nicer one, pretty pretty

fireworks 5, stable hands but numb legs

2005-08-07T02:21:00.000+08:00

I have a love-hate relationship with my blog. I love blogging, but i hate the fact that i have to get down to it. My last post that i saved and did not publish was about some crazy friday night out probably right exactly about a month ago. One hell of a night, which probably will never happen again.

anyways i am just in here to complain about my messed up life which i screwed it up even worse. Bloody insomnia, or rather my fucked up biological clock is fucking driving me crazy. I'm totally bored to tears in the middle of the night, cos obviously there's no one to entertain me, except the occasion nagging of my mum which i so dun welcome. So I can't sleep in the night but i sleep away like 12 hrs of the day which by then its probabaly time pple ended their day. So great to be missing out on life huh.

My mum thinks that i wan to become a movie critic, cos i spend so much time watching those movies and videos to entertain myself. If only i really am one.

and the lump of fat that i am becoming isnt comforting at all too. Other then peanut butter being my top of the list favourite now, the beer and chips isnt helping me keep the fats and calories off too. so much for losing weight huh.

and all i am doing is complaining.

i'm going to sleep after this post.
I'm going to do my readings at the clinic tmr.
I'm going to finally get my ass down to borders to work next week.
and i'm going to be a normal person.

hopefully all these are going to remain in my head longer then just till the next time i wake up.

2005-07-07T16:57:00.000+08:00

I actually made it to mambo yesterday. How i dread going to clubs. I would never have stepped in there for another lifetime maybe if i had not promised to go. To make it worse, the music was so bad that i think it was THE worst i have heard ever. Maybe i would have enjoyed myself if i was 16. Haha. Phuture was okie though, but it was so bloody crowded and hot that i felt like leaving the minute i stepped in. If it wasn't for sheena, i would not only have been high on boredom, but maybe died of boredom. ha.
how i appreciate round midnight now.

As always, shopping is therapeutic. how i love my new mambo shirt. such love at first sight. haha. so much for going into mambo to buy a new bag, This season's clothes at esprit sucks man. I've got my eyes on manbo now. hur hur

War of the Worlds is so over-rated.

2005-06-25T01:37:00.000+08:00

Life's back at Cargill. And surprisingly i do kind of miss that place a little... especially the handicap toilet that i always go to. haha. But now that i am in operations, its double the stress on top of still being in the part-time system accounting setup. Operations from 9-6, and the part-time-knoe-nuts -about-accounting accounting team member after 6. Though its pretty tiring going back to the ot-ing days, but well, maybe its the pple, that dun make me mind it that much afterall. Hopefully i will learn the operations ropes soon enough , then i will be back to being the happy cargill staff. hurhur

Its amazing how small the world is where everybody just seems to be inter-linked. I made 2 new friends today!!! hur hur, and one of them stays pretty near me. i want to start meeting more new pple man. I'm just so stuck in this small little circle of mine and my life is just going no where. Plain boring and boring and boring. haa

Looking forward to wasting my life on sunday.

2005-06-22T00:22:00.000+08:00

and i woke up.
bloody tv made so much noise. The kind i hate to hear the most. THE NEWS. yucks

wat a loser, guess wat i thought of the minute i woke up(other then how hungry i am).
U can go to hell pz.

2005-06-21T21:17:00.000+08:00

My fucking mind is playing games with me again. I shouldn't have came home so early. Its barely eight and i still have plenty of time for my mind to be fucking up my mind again before the night gets old and when the calling of the bed finally seems tempting.
Now i hear the silence in my room. I have goosebumps on my hands from the cold and my feet and palms are sweating. All i want to do now is to smoke but i am reluctant to spoil my indulgence in the silence of the room. The world outside of my closed door and window seems like it will be a nuisance to me now.
i just remembered, i am supposed to quit smoking.

It's doing it. It's brewing some fucking crazy idea again.
I am getting more irritable by the second and pretty soon, either i will walk to my bag to get my ciggies or i will delete everything and head for the bed.

I am getting my ciggies just like it wanted. For me to stop typing, go to the window, spoil the silence, irritate me even more, play with me and get that idea into my head.

......

I'm back and i am yawning.
I knoe wat the ending is.
That one fucking phrase.
and so by tomorrow or by the time i wake up later i will triumph and it will succumb to me.

That's all there is to me.
Bloody nonsense.

2005-06-20T02:11:00.000+08:00

Took me a freaking long time, but i got it out of me finally.Yes, i really said it all. but somehow, i din get the kind of relief that i imagine i would get. It wasn't like a stone being lifted from me at all, it was just.. "like this lor". haha. oh well, oh well oh well... I dunnoe wat to say. till when i disappear again then.

2005-06-17T13:41:00.000+08:00

Surprisingly i was not raptured by that phrase again, that phrase i hope i will NEVER hear again in my life. But anyway, i have decided to stop being a mop(think chinese) and i am going to make sure i would do everything that i have said i would. haha. u guys can stop being fed up with me finally.

2005-06-16T04:14:00.000+08:00

You must think i am fucking crazy.

2005-06-14T12:34:00.000+08:00

I'm out of isolation. For those pple who failed to contact me for the past few week, sorry. Oh and i bought a new phone. Curse that cab uncle who didnt return my phone in the end.

I have a friend that commented that i am self-focused. Self-centered i supposed she meant. I guess i am quite, since my sis says so too. Dunnoe how many pple i have offended cause of that. If i have, sorry man. But i think most pple like have at least a bit of self-centered-ness in them rite? i mean whos totally self-less lah. haha. okie. i sound like i am finding an excuse for myself. pple, if i start being self-centered next pls tell me rite in my face k!! This isnt a character trait i will be proud of man.

Haha. I just asked my mum this question. she just gave me a long lecture on it. Oh well. i guess i really am self-centered then.

Oh well.
wat can i say. I am a sucker.
hurhurhur

2005-05-16T16:35:00.000+08:00

I feel like being angry. I feel like cursing. But i am just not in the mood.
Something good be happening to me soon to make up for all the misfortunes that have befalled on me these 2 days.
Falling on all fours and having 2 badly bruised knees and scraped hand isnt bad enough that i have to lose my phone aa few hrs later. where did my fcuking mind go to man.

i shant continue with the rest of my series of unfortunate events cos if i did, i would probably be so angry and upset by the end of this post that i have to go and sleep. i cant i have to go and work in 2 hrs time.
This is like the worst weekend i have ever had.
Period

2005-05-13T00:48:00.000+08:00

oh my impluse to change my blogskin has died. haha. lazy. as usual

2005-05-13T00:45:00.000+08:00

The Game: Know the rules of the game or dun start it. Play it, enjoy it but dun get attached to it. If you cant handle it, get a life man, sucker.

If i was ever in a game, wat a sucker i am.

Despite the terrible condition i was in, i was out to wreak my body last night

Haha. the above is my incompleted blog post for tuesday. As usual, i always never ever finsh writing and thus never ever update my blog although my blogger program is always running and i am always writing something in there. Suprisingly its still here after 2 days, so i might as well post it too.
Oh, that means i haven shut down my computer since tuesday. Oh well.

anyway jo-pz time on monday. and wat can i say, either we can only be out in the day or there can be no jo-pz time in the night. One cant see and one is a direction idiot. Together = disaster. tested and totally proven. oh. and so we were talking about playing the "game". Its fun, it addictive, it seductive and its also deadly. Be in the right game or quit before it burns. I think we both agree.
but convince me something.

I wan to play basketball. A proper basketbal game. Desperately desperately desperately. It isnt bad enough that my knee hasnt recovered and i am stuck in the office everyday, the giant tv in the office has to show me nba basketball updates on cnn everyday. And bumping into my junior from jc that i use to teach basketball to, doesnt help a bit too. I'm a lump of fat now and by next feb, i'll probably not even be able to run a decent few rounds around the track. Pls tell me this is not my life. I need that adreneline.

2005-05-02T13:13:00.000+08:00

fcuk, everything just got deleted.

2005-04-21T02:33:00.000+08:00

I thought the world was beautiful with beautiful pple. I thought i could always live with that. I thought wrong. I'm no less guilty myself. Who can say if the angel or the devil is rite or wrong anyway. Its all just a matter of perspective. I have no rite to judge too. cos its my own perspective and my own conclusion. it should just remain where it should be. In my own mind.

run along now u lttle devils. stop flying around trying to get ur ideas into my head. Haa. i find it fun though. Exciting. Free. Wrong. But thats not me!!.. or is it?
Where are my sweet tiny angels that are going to poke those bubble of bad thoughts and make me feel safe again. feel boring, right and chained.
now who's the devil and who's the angle here? I'm confused. Ha

I cant stand myself nowadays. I so couldn't care less bout anything. I'm cursing and swearing and i think i'm so fucking (just one time, i've already tried not to curse. haha) free. Get a life man pz.

this doesnt make sense to me. i'm thinking incoherently.
i'm tired. maybe i'll continue tis nonsense tmr. ha

2005-04-15T15:52:00.000+08:00

Out of a moment of impulse, i signed up for a rowing course myself. Alone!!! haha. Shit man, anyone else interested in going? I'm so going to late for every lesson if i go alone. It like so bloody far near nus and i have to be there at 8am. Pls pls pls anyone, call me if u wan to go too!! hee

I think i am getting ridiculously short tempered. I'm becoming like a mini mine ready to be triggered off anytime by the smallest things.
As usual its not anything thing else, its my mum only.
I should be going for some anger management course to learn how to deal with my mum. Or maybe i should be going to a psychologist to find out y i haf such a big thing against her. Sometimes i feel so bad for treating her this way, but i cant seem to help it.

surprise surprise.

2005-04-08T02:58:00.000+08:00

Busy thursday night again. Felt like deja vu. Same time, same place, same food and the same company.
Haha. I take back my words once again. I decided work isnt that bad. How indecisive of me. As usual. It must have been the fatigue and the drinking that was making me so cranky.

Thank you and thank you. However small and insignificant it was.
There are many things we do that actually played a part and have made a difference in someone else's life although we don't know it. I dunnoe if i have actually done anything good to make someone's day or change their life even a tiny tiny bit, but i thank those pple who have made a little difference in mine. Thank you and thank you for making me feel even a little little significant. As unintentional and insignificant it maybe to you, it gave me a little more stregth to try to see life more beautifully once again.

haha. i feel stupid. but wat the hell man.
I am amazed how silly i can get sometimes. maybe its becuse i have already fallen rock bottom.

2005-04-07T03:02:00.000+08:00

I take back my words.
Work is so not fun though i still like my boss, my colleagues and the office but i am just so fucking tired. I work a seven day week with lots of OT and and a second job. I have been sick for like forever already and i cant seem to get a good night of sleep. I have not shopped for weeks too. All i do is waste my life and work.
Haha. I am just a sucker full of complains. It so my own fault that i have to have all those late nights despite knowing i'm sick.
Thumper yesterday was so bad. I have never felt so bad with only 11/2 glass of beer in my system and the music was bloody making me sick. Thank god for Jem's ipod. I rather listen to oldies and sappy songs anyday. Anyway, sorry to all that i was with yesterday, i was such a spoilsport. Hai. I'm so going to abstain from going to clubs from now on. I rather be at Round Midnight.

I'm off the whole of next week!!
I need some exercise or i'm going to feel more and more lethargic everyday. Hai. But everyone's having exams.

I guess nobody cares whether i am dead or alive now.

2005-03-25T02:18:00.000+08:00

Work is so fun man, despite having to wake at 7 everyday. But at least i am having a normal life where i sleep at night and wake in morning. Not the other way round.
I've got a nice boss, nice view from the office, fun pple, little work, lots of food to stuff myself and a relatively okie pay.
But its only just for another week.
Sigh.

Thinking of wat to do tmr.
Singapore is just so so boring.. just cant think of anything interesting to do lah. probably will be wasting my life again! hai
I'm not in a good mood now.. i need to do something fun tmr!!!

2005-03-07T05:35:00.000+08:00

Haha.. It's 5.30 in the morning. I've got a interview at 9 tmr and i'm working the whole day. But i'm listening to Lush 99.5 and drinking vodka on the rocks. Haha. Can life be better then now. Haha. The music this station is playing is great man. It's hypnotising, or maybe its just the vodka acting. Watever it is, i'm high. Haha
I think i'm going to be in a drunken stupor tmr.
Haha

2005-02-24T05:11:00.000+08:00

Yes. Miss pz has been mia-ing on her blog again.
Why does such a simple thing as updating my blog seem such a chore for me. For goodness sake. I'm like on the com 24/7 and i cant even update my blog.
Well.. i'm in a good mood today. Especially.

We haf 1 day out of 5 days to cut our hair.
We haf 1 day out of 5 days to go esprit to find that pair of pants that i like so much.
We haf 1 day out of 5 days to go tanning.
We haf 1 day out of 5 days for u to go make peace with XD(or i'll never rest in peace!!!!!!!!!!!!)
We haf 1 day out of 5 days to try to find "jaipei"(hahaha).
We haf 1 day out of 5 days to to play tennis and 'ping pong' at julia's hse
We haf 1 day out of 5 days to go eat nasi lemak.
And i haf to work on saturday and sunday.
How many 1 day do u think 5 days has miss chow!!??
hahahahahaha

After 3 hrs of me talking incessantly, walking to and fro from sr to kovan mrt, stopping half-way to pose for a like a thousand pictures with a "well" which sadako lives in and finally going home, this is wat we plan to do for the next 5 days.
Haha. Mission impossible.

MIss leong's slutty schoolgirl picture a la Britney Spears!!!!

Okie.. and here u go cheryl.. ur slutty schoolgirl picture a la Britney Spears!!!
How bout a, a la beyonce next time? hahahaha
Oh yes... and i am still reminded of that "terrible" night at pam's hse!!! I swear i will stay off beer for at least another week!!
And no more card games or finger guessing game or watever game that has to depend on luck!! Lady luck is defintely not going to be on my side this year. Dun bet on me!!

First 2 weeks of the year and i haf already vomitted twice on alcohol.
If u guys think i was a alcoholic last time. Think again.
Oh... and with that i even when club-hopping. Haha. I even when to monks.(the last place i swore u will ever find me in!!)
New year. New adventures.
Haa.

I'm boring the shit out of u.
I'm boring the shit out of me.
But i'm still typing.
I just have nothing better to do till 7am.
I even wonder myself if i ever sleep.

Okie.
One last thing.
HI HI HI HI HI HI HI Lenny Lenny Lenny Lenny Lenny Lenny Lenny!!!!!!!!!!!!
haha. sorry for the late reply. I want to PLAY basketball too!!!! I miss u too!!!!!
Let's haf a game this weekend before Pearlyn Chow goes off, shall we???
It will be so fun with everyone around!!
Like old times..

Give me peace.
Give me courage.
Break my mouse and shut my eyes.

2005-02-03T17:26:00.000+08:00

No basketball yesterday.
Anyway its been weeks and my knee doesn't seem to be recovering. I'll haf a gd rest this week.

Gonna be a busy weekend.
Miss nice pz keeps helping pple to cover their shifts. Not that she minds, but its just going to be so boring. 8.30am -10.30pm on sunday!!
So Miss shyne if u happen to be visiting ur granny, or Miss Pearlyn Chow if u pity this "close friend" of urs, pls go and save her from the clutches of the demon, boredom. And maybe finally miss pz will get to go eat at chompchomp too.

Although i dun use it, i miss it. I should have called the cab company long ago, but i din. I'll probably not get it back, but maybe its fated that i part with it.

Kings here i come

2005-02-02T17:34:00.000+08:00

I did something yesterday.
I'm so proud of myself.

I changed the curtains and packed my clothes cupboard and so now i haf 2 BIG bag of clothes. One to throw away and one to wash. At least i spent half the day NOT in front of the computer.

And so my mum was poking around again. She almost wanted to throw my whole cupboard away!! All my precious clothes!! And i literally had to play tug-of-war with her to keep my clothes. She was like saying that i'm so young and already so sentimental cos i refuse to throw away all my uniforms and sch t-shirts.(tell u a secret.. i'm still wearing my keeping my primary sch badminton t-shirt!!) But i see nothing wrong with it. Althought sch wasnt really like FUN fun, but still, i guess if i'm ever gonna think back it will probably be sch days.
OKie, so pple... if u wan me to remenber u forever, just give me something, cos it will probably never to thrown away!!

It will always be on my board. Whether it was meant or not.

Tuesdays = Chinabarday
Great night there.
Band was gd but my ear suffered.

IMPLUSE.
Why dun u come to me instead.

2005-02-01T03:22:00.000+08:00

This spot is revived. Did u think that it was going to be dead forever?

I have spared this spot the torture to "hear" my routine and wasted life for the past month. Its time that i inject some life into it and myself. And so starts my ramblings again.

I feign sick yesterday, or not totally cos i was really having a slight hangover. Had like maybe 1/4 bottle of liquor in my system and 3 hrs of sleep. I excuse myself. Haa. Okie but anyway thats not the point. Took the time off to meet Qingwen despite the bad state i was in. She never fails to capture my attention me everytime i talk to her. Her philosophy about life, her perspective of things. the way she handles situations, her knowledge; amazing, my role model.

She said a lot yesterday, haha, of which i have forgotten mostly after the movie, but the main points noted and digested. There are many things I should have done, should do and can do. I am going(trying) to do.

First things first, I NEED SOME IMPULSE. IMPULSE IMPULSE IMPULSE IMPULSE IMPULSE.

Have you been a good person?
Think again.

2004-12-23T22:51:00.000+08:00

I think my Christmas is going to be spoilt... =(
My christmas party plan is totally like ruin!!
Everyone had abandoned us.. all "zong se qing you" one..
How i wish my "Angel" would appear and give me a nice warm christmas party.
Oh well.. whoever is feeling bored on christmas, dunnoe worry u can always come look for me, cos i'll be waiting under the mistletoe.. haha

2004-12-22T01:19:00.000+08:00

Haha.. so i didn't go to Chinabar again.. but shiyi, i guess u will be spared of washing the dishes afterall too ey..

Friendly against KR today... we drew 1-1... not bad for just a recre club rite.. but i pulled my thigh muscle and my poor toes got stepped so so many times by those boots!! argh.. i should get a pair of boots soon.. time to get my revenge.. haha
Another pig out night. i cant believe i just ate all the things i did. A chicken foldover meal(up-sized!!!), 2 chicken wings, a packet of instant noodles and 2 half-boiled eggs!! hmm.. so thats wat soccer does to one.. haha

I dunnoe y, but it just suddenly occured to me that maybe i always tend to presume things, and very often, i presumed wrong. Yes, i should stop being the oh so smarty pants i think i am just because i dun get my answers. Well.. at least i finally realised it.

I've got basketball tmr and i need muscle rub.. =(

2004-12-20T23:03:00.000+08:00

okie.. so i din go to sentosa after all.. argh... and i din get to play basketball today too... =( just couldnt wake up with all the alcohol in my stomach... hopefully i wake in time to play touch and soccer tmr... i really need to exercise!! i'm gettin fat from all the stoning at home!

I expect i wont be able to make it to chinabar again tmr!!! sigh.. maybe only my sis will go with me...

2004-12-19T07:24:00.000+08:00

Its 7am in the morning.. i should have been alseep 4 hrs ago!!! wat am i still doing in front of my lappie!! Pearlyn is so going to kill me cos i'll probably be late later.. or maybe i should just not sleep, then i'll definetely be on time.. haa
Okie, since i've been ask to update my blog.. here goes the ever so "interesting" happenings of my life..

Finally livelier and more interesting pieces for band prac today, "Welcome" and "Japanese Graffiti VI"... I've always loved japanese pieces, especially "Welcome". Too bad i din get to play THE solo.. I could have probably played it with my eyes closed, but well... i shall keep to myself and out of politics. I'm happy enough with just me and my "Selmer".

After taking such a long break from playing, my fingers have become "rusty", i cant sight-read, forgotten some of the fingerings, "stamina" is bad, my tone is bad and in all my playing is bad!! .. BUT.. together with all the skills that were lost, those sticky bad habits has disappeared too!! no more "throating", no more bad breathing!!! I have finally started to tongue and breath properly!! yes.. 2 of the most fundamental things that i shoud have mastered before anything else but it has to take me after 6 7 of playing and a yr plus of "rusting" before i finally start doing these things properly! quite a failure as a musician eh.. but well, at least i'm back on track now... hopefully those bad habits haf sunk so deep into some abyss to never surface again..

So kids...
Lesson 1: If you have started on the wrong foot, take a long long break! Forget everything and start over again!!
Lesson 2: Always start learning from the professionals(or at least people who will teach you the correct things!).. or u'll haf to waste many more years to correct ur "unorthodox-ly" gotten skills!!
haha.

Okie... enough of boring and alien music stuff...
Sentosa in 4 hrs time!! but erm... 4 persons!!??.. not so exciting on second thought. I'll probably be more excited to see PC then sentosa.. hopefully it turns out fine.. but hmm.. but i wan to play basketball with huihui too!! When i'm free, i'm SO free and when i'm busy, i'm SO busy.. y do everyone like to do things on the same day.. =(

One more game of Spades? hee

2004-12-13T15:30:00.000+08:00

Argh.... this blog of mine is so dead..
BUT not as if there's anything interesting in my life to be said and who reads my blog anyway rite.. well..

Happened to catch some orchestra's concert yesterday on Central while i was channel surfing at min's chalet... i was super inspired can... they play 2 of my favourite pieces.. An America in Paris and Rhapsody in Blue, both by GEORGE GERSHWIN!!! I love is guy!! His pieces are like all so nice.. too bad he's long dead.. hai.. but it will take me a thousand years to be able to play those pieces.. My fingers are like so "rusty" now and i dun think i can even read notes correctly... practice practice practice... but i dun even haf an instrument!! sigh..

Chinabar Chinabar chinabar!! who wants to go to Chinbar with me... the life band there is great!! another place that inspires me... hee .. tuesdays are 1 for 1.. someone go with me pls....

life's so boring.. there's nothing to look forward to..

2004-11-20T17:23:00.000+08:00

Yummilicious birthday cake..

Hmm.. okie.. i'm just bored again.. found the picture of my yummilicious birthday cake.. feeling damn hungry now.. and this looks damn good.. haha.. Oh anyway i forgot to thank all who celebrated my birthday.. THANK YOU... hee.. sorry to have to made u guys come all the way to my hse... troublesome me.. really appreciated the company that day.. thank god we din just go to some restaurant to have lunch and do the usual stuff.. haa..

Oh and i am so sad that Olinda is out of singapore idols... she has such a good voice... i reckon better then taufik or sly.. (haha.. although i too support sly..) its just such a waste that she dun get into the finals.. i hope record companies will still look for her man.. i'll be the first to go buy the album.. haha... hmm.. or maybe i shall just download afterall .. lol...
Who's gonna win singapore idols!!!! ??? haha.. i hope it slyvester.. althougt now i think he has the weakest voice among them... still.. he just has something that can attract pple.. haa

i dunnoe where my notes are!!!!! i'm gonna fail without a doubt.. give me ur farewells everyone..

Over and out..

2004-11-19T01:52:00.000+08:00

The Astrology Matchmaker

Your stars are sending you straight into the arms of a SCORPIO. Your man's water sign reveals that he's strongly intuitive and in tune with your emotions. But be careful — his symbol is a scorpion, which represents his secretive nature and his ability to be vengeful when threatened. As a Scorpio, he's a bundle of contradictions. He has the ability to demonstrate both the best and worst qualities that characterize human nature. Generally, he's intense and passionate, yet he can be stubborn and competitive. He uses his intuition fearlessly, and he tends to explore philosophy and religion. Although it's difficult for him to trust others, when he meets the right one (i.e., YOU), the result is deep and powerful. You should be excited to be a perfect match for a man with such dedication, drive, and persistence. Your Scorpio will be known and respected for his imagination and idealism.

haha.. here i am again.. my astrological partner should be a scorpio like me!! hee... man.. i keep taking all these test.. soon i will finish everything at the site.. haha.. are exams near? I cant seem to remember...

i'm a hopeless weakling...

2004-11-18T15:22:00.001+08:00

haha... okie.. like how bored can i get man.. Happen to see this tickle test.. How true!! Seth Cohen.. my perfect dream lover.. haha erm.. but me wise, sensible and responsible? nah... no way.. i'm just the exact opposite

My dream lover.. haha

Seth
Dorky? Maybe. Loveable? Totally! What's not to love about this cutie? A smarty like you looks beneath the surface, and that's why only a brainy hottie like Seth will do as your OC crush.Sensible and responsible, you've got a good head on your shoulders, and you use it. Maybe you've been called wise for your years. Many famous folks were ahead of their times in high school, and you'll probably be one of them. So keep doing things in your own unique style. You're well on your way to great things. And it might be even better if you have an equally-awesome crush to have fun with along the way!

2004-11-18T14:50:00.000+08:00

Haha.. is this true?

Peizhen, your most unique quality is that you're unusually Inspirational

You inspire others around you with your creative energy and thirst for new experiences. You are exceptionally curious and aren't afraid of learning new things — which is probably because you tend to focus on the potential positive outcome of any experience rather than dwelling on the potential negatives. You are a true explorer in the word. You want to understand and experience it all, and you're especially open to new feelings and ideas. Compared to others who are open, you are unusually curious, with a broad range of interests. Only 2.3% of all test takers have this unique combination of personality strengths.

god is making a joke out of me...

2004-11-15T16:51:00.000+08:00

I should be sent to eternal damnation...
3 days of slacking and still counting.. at this rate i'm defintely gonna fail my exams.. or maybe i should say, out of nus. Haha, how easy am i saying this... no choice that those untimely moods have to come at this time... If i'm ever gonna to get through this, thank you guardian angles.. haa

Now for something a bit happier.. my dearest "close" friend is finally coming back... Another 31 hrs and i will have yet another distraction..(not that it's bad.. i've been waiting for this for a long time... i mean it..) Yet another long awaited gathering of hi-s and harlow-s and how do u do-s...

I feel like going into a recluse tmr... "this days" has always been so meaningless to me and even more so now... I'm so tired.. I jus wan to stay at home... But come to think of it.. i might change my mind tmr.. haha.. highly likely actually.. wat do they call this? pre- jitters? haha.. nah.. just me and my unstable mind..

kill me now, i might be better off

2004-11-13T15:37:00.000+08:00

My bug has been killed..
But many people around me are starting to get sick...
I pray that all my friends will be well when exams comes...
It feels terrible being sick...

What a day i spent yesterday..
All i did was talk the whole day. Din even get down to any work. But it was nice to have someone around. Someone to hear all my woes and worries. Someone to play along with me while i tried on all the "funny" clothes i had and "help" me pack my room Someone to watch tv with me and someone to company me mood and be sad. But the day ended ever so sadly with Tao ze playing in tthe background.

So many things i tried to sort out yesterday but however much i can reason and analysis, it just doesn't work. So many things are always easier said then done, and so many things are never within our control. Why do i have to be bother ed with so many things.... Why do i want to look for so many answers...

Feeling heavy-hearted

2004-11-07T14:56:00.000+08:00

The flu bug has officially hit me.
I look like a drug addict and Rudolph the red-nose reindeer..

I wish time can stop now.
Let me finish my work.
Let me stop worrying.
Let me stop thinking.
Let me stop.

Listening - Switchfoot

2004-11-04T11:35:00.000+08:00

:: Exams are near
:: Deadlines are all due, but not done
:: The discussion room is freaky cold and i am wearing shorts again
:: I'm wasting my time again
:: I'm am "sick"
:: I love ruffles, y doesnt anyone buy it for me.. hurhur
:: I'm still having gastric, plus i think i am getting a flu and fever
:: I'm mentally unsound, broke down with a laughing streak yesterday
:: Maybe i will break down with a crying streak today...
:: I smell nice today.. but probably only i know
:: I am turning numb
:: Singapore Idol today... hee
:: Switchfoot - Sweet reminiscence

The mentally and physically unstable...

2004-10-23T19:40:00.000+08:00

I have moved!! but i will still be here.... haha

2004-10-21T11:10:00.000+08:00

I like to make new friends
They remind me of how i used to be not so long ago..
The happy, friendly, happy-go-lucky me...

I only like to hear gd news.. hurhur..

2004-10-19T01:38:00.000+08:00

Why should i be angry
I am so fucking useless
I am so fucking selfless
I am so fucking soft
I am so fucking irked
I am so fucking out of here

2004-10-15T01:26:00.000+08:00

It's amazing that i am in such a fucked up mood now but i just wan someone to sit beside me.
Not to complain bout that bloody bitch that just pissed me off big time but just to calm me down.
But too bad not everyone can.
It just proves so much..
All my effort down the drain.

2004-10-11T23:11:00.000+08:00

They call me the energizer rabbit... (and this rabbit doesn't have to eat..)
So am I supposed to feel flattered or wat? Haha
Maybe next match I shall wear 2 rabbit ears.. Then the engine ballers will be laughing at me instead of playing.. haha... Lame

Too tired to blog actually... And too much to blog..
Guess I will just haf to keep everything to myself...

It will come a time when the everything becomes blurred.
When the make-beliefs becomes real.
When the real thing becomes unreal.
Its all but a psychology battle.
Its all in the mind.
Energizers will die out one day too.
The time will be soon....